News

So, today I received the first batch of "not so good news" since this process started. As many of you know, for the past few months I have been taking a 'chemo holiday.' Such a holiday can last anywhere from three months, to several years, depending on the growth factor of the tumors in my liver. So, the blood test a few days ago revealed some news that was quite shocking for everyone, doctors included. Without going into too much detail, the markers in my blood shot way way up, not a good sign at all considering I have been eating a 100% raw diet, and doing all I can in all ways to, with alternative treatment, keep things at least stable so that I could be one of the ones who enjoy a long nice break. An ASAP scan is called which I will go into on Monday, to find out the results on Tuesday. This places many of my summer plans in a holding pattern, as I await news from the scan. Of course, there is the minute possibility that this blood test is not representative as to what is going on, however in the past, it has mirrored my progress quite well. So, it will be a long weekend, a long Monday, and an intense Tuesday as I await news which will essentially decide my fate for many months, if not years to come. On the flip side, and aside from this news, my god, this raw food, and juicing, and proper supplementation program has been wonderful to me. I feel like a million bucks! And this is why the blood, and all else is so strange, and even a wonder to my doctors who found me looking and seeming so healthy. So, my work schedule, which I started to load up again, will again, take a back seat to more health research, meditation, and relaxation. I must admit, I did get 'into it' again. Running around to meetings, stressing over script submissions, worrying about the house, landing another commercial, all somehow became important again. How easy it is to slip, and yet, I felt normal, and I wanted to be normal, and to me, that is what is normal, and what I love to do, so I did. I have no regrets, and no one knows what has caused this blip in the radar, and I truly do believe it to be a blip, and if the scan says anything different, then I will deal with that then, and you will be the first to know. So what now? I love writing that question on this blog, because then I get to answer it for myself, right now, which I will do, right now... OK, what now... Well, ok, it's been all good news till now, shrinkage, shrinkage, and more shrinkage. My acupuncturist and doctors all seemed to think my body would naturally go into a healing state on it's own, that the chemo was a great blast, and now my body would do the rest. And now, based on blood results, and a slight feeling of something in my liver area, we can assume, that that may not have been the case. Now what? Ok, well, so the expected did not happen, and the unexpected continues to rear it's head. For a moment, I thought about throwing in the towel! Yes, you read correctly, I actually did. Without even a scan or knowledge on what exactly is happening, that was my reaction. I thought, fuck, if I am eating 100% raw foods for months, meditating, acupuncture and all else that I am doing, and the results are shocking to my doctors, then at a certain point, one must say, enough is enough. After careful consideration, that was not an option either so... what next? First, I am going to have a wonderful and romantic evening with my girlfriend free from the topic, then I will put a battle plan in place that will include calling the two people I have contact information for who have beaten this stage 4 beast, yes, purportedly, "beaten it." Then I will plan for the worst, hope for the best, and continue to live, fight, and research alternative programs that have worked for people. I will also do, what most all of us do, keep figuring out how to pay for it all, which means, figuring out how to continue to raise revenue to fund these alternative protocols. And this seems to be what life is about for most people. They want something, they go out and earn it, and how blessed and lucky, that I still have my mind in tact, my body able to walk, my sight able to see. At a screening I was at this evening, I noticed two guys who had arrived in wheel chairs, and were essentially handicapped but were still able to slide into normal seats. I took a hard look at those guys. One had an earring, a cool flannel, if you didn't see the wheel chair, you wouldn't have noticed anything was wrong. In a strange way, and I am certain he didn't know it when he caught me staring at him, I felt a bond with him, and actually happy that he was out, looking normal, enjoying the show, doing his thing. I wondered, how many other people have 'things' in that theater. Not sure the point, but despite my issue right now, I still do feel extremely lucky, and that's because I know that humans have an extremely large capacity to accept change, and while shocked for a moment, get through it and continue living, until the light shuts out. Today on Facebook I accidentally came to the profile of an old neighbor of mine. We are the same age, went to the same schools... One day she was driving, hit a telephone pole, and was never the same again, to this day. Her life is forever, dramatically changed, that's life. She lost all her friends, and any semblance of a life as she knew it was different from that moment on. In a moment, a flash, a snap of the fingers, and it's all gone. And so I know I've said it, so I will say it again, the moment, we must enjoy the moment, and this moment for me includes being able to see perfectly, type with able fingers, walk outside and listen to the wind blow, enjoy a decadent piece of raw chocolate, light a few candles, bring them into my girlfriends room, and if you will excuse me. LIVE WELL